Grief by Age: Infants & Toddlers (Age 0-3)

Developmental Stage: During these first two years, children’s development is focused on creating an attachment bond with primary caregiver/s. These bonds are the foundation of trust and healthy relationships. Infants are also rapidly building their social, emotional, and cognitive skills. Personality and self-awareness are starting to form.

Concept of Life & Death: Up to age 3, all objects are alive. Infants and toddlers have very little understanding of death, but they may notice that something is missing or different.

Symptoms of Grief: All children, regardless of their experience with grief, may exhibit the following traits at various ages and stages of their life. However, research has found that after the death of loved one, children may have prolonged or noticeable experiences with one or more of the following symptoms:

• Behavioral:
  • reduced affection towards caregivers
  • rejecting their environment
  • slow movement or hyperactive movement
  • staring off with a dazed expression
• Emotional:
  • prolonged sadness/weepiness
  • anxiousness and inability to self-sooth or be soothed
• Physical:
  • loss of appetite
  • more colds/sickness than usual
  • sleep disturbances (waking up frequently/nightmares/night terrors)
• Cognitive:
  • fragmented memory (feeling like something is missing and only remembering some details)

How to Help – the 6 Rs:

Reassure:

• Gaze into their eyes and mirror expressions (smiling or frowning when they are) to strengthen your bond.
• Identify special ways that the deceased person would soothe the child and incorporate these into routines (cooking a comfort food, using a specific rocking chair or technique, wrapping infant in a special blanket).
• Be present during self-regulation (take deep breaths together while embracing). Try infant massage as a soothing technique.
• Avoid overstimulation and teach self-soothing through play (using stuffed animals or puppets).
• Model appropriate ways to express grief.

Routine:

• Create a comfortable, safe, and predictable environment to the best of your ability.
• Create consistent schedules for sleeping and eating routines.
• If you are one of the primary caregivers, avoid being away for several days at a time.

Release:

• Make time for creative outlets, such as playing, music, rhythm, art, dancing, movement, and repetitive nursery rhymes.
• Read a picture book together about grief.

Remember:

• Include child in memorializing/funeral activities. Display several pictures of the person who is deceased.
• Create a story box of objects belonging to person who died or a legacy book including pictures.

Reflect & Connect:

• Tell the infant/toddler that they will be taken care of and loved.
• Prepare by reading 10 Things Grieving Children Want You To Know or Seven Suggestions for Explaining Death to Children.
• When explaining the death, using simple and short sentences. Use the words dead and died. Avoid euphemisms such as “gone”, “passed on”, “lost”. Here are some sample scripts to consider:

“Daddy’s heart stopped working. He died and won’t be coming home from the hospital.”

“Your mom had an accident and died. We will not be seeing her again.”

Reach Out:

• Visit the National Program Guide (NPG) to find counseling and support groups in your area.
• For additional resources, visit our Resource Library or contact us directly for personalized support specific to your area and needs.