Ten Tips for Youth Who Are Supporting a Grieving Friend

When someone you care about is grieving, it’s natural to feel unsure about what to say or how to help. Here are some ways you can be a kind and supportive friend to someone who is hurting after a loss.

1. Listen More, Talk Less

Let your friend share how they’re feeling – if they want to. Some days they may want to talk about their loss, and other days they may not say anything at all. Either way, give them space and time.

• Try saying: “I can’t imagine what this is like for you, but I’m here to listen if you ever want to talk.”

2. Avoid “At Least” and “You Should” Statements

It’s natural to want to ease your friend’s pain, but phrases like “At least they’re in a better place,” “At least you still have…,” or “You should be strong for…” can feel dismissive or add pressure. Grief doesn’t need fixing – it needs witnessing. Instead, offer support with simple, validating words like:

• “I’ve been thinking about you.”
• “That’s really hard.”
• “I’m here if you want to talk — or not talk.”

3. Be Patient and Continue to Include

Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. Your friend may have good days and hard ones – even long after the loss. They might seem distant or different, and that’s okay. Give them space when they need it, but don’t disappear. Keep checking in and inviting them, even if they say no at first.

• A simple text, walk, or invite can be a reminder that they’re not alone and still part of the group.

4. Do Something Kind

Small gestures can mean a lot. Try:

• Writing a note or sending a thoughtful message

• Bringing them their favorite snack

• Sharing a memory or something funny if they need a smile

• Offering to walk to class or sit with them at lunch

• For a gift from the heart, consider one of these Bereavement Gifts Beyond the Bouquet.

5. Respect Their Grief Style

Some people cry a lot. Some seem quiet or even angry. Others might distract themselves with school, games, or friends. There’s no one “right” way to grieve. Try not to judge. This Your Grief is Unique handout provides some insight into a range of possible grief responses.

6. Offer Support Options

When someone is grieving, it can be hard for them to know what they need – or to ask for help. Instead of saying “Let me know if you need anything,” try offering specific, low-pressure options:

• “Would you like to talk or just hang out today?”
• “Can I carry that for you?”
• “Snacks at my place or study sesh today?”

Giving clear choices makes it easier for your friend to say yes – or to let you know what feels most helpful in the moment.  You can also point them towards Camp Erin or Camp Erin Online – two free grief support programs for youth ages 6 – 17.

7. Get Support for Yourself

Supporting a grieving friend can be emotionally heavy. It’s okay to talk to a trusted adult, school counselor, or parent if you’re feeling confused or overwhelmed. You don’t have to carry it alone either.

8. Remember Important Dates

Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries can be especially hard. Sending a kind message or showing up during those times can mean so much.

• “I know today might be tough. Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you.”

9. Say Their Name

Many grievers want to talk about the person who died – but they might feel unsure if it’s okay to bring them up. You can help by saying their name or sharing a memory.

• “I remember when your mom came to the field trip – she was so funny.”
• “Your brother loved that song, didn’t he?”

These small moments show that their person isn’t forgotten and that it’s okay to talk about them.

10. Just Be There

Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is show up. Your presence – whether it’s sitting together at lunch, texting to check in, or just hanging out – can help your friend feel less alone.

• You don’t need to have all the answers. A simple “I’m here for you” goes a long way.