COVID Grief: Structure & Routine
Structure & Routine as a Protective Factor:
For people of any age, the death of a significant person is life-altering. Grief rearranges the person’s relationship to everyday life. While routine and daily structure can often be the most visibly affected, they are also the most important to maintain to help someone regain a sense of control. As we know, grief is not something that goes away; rather, it is something that becomes a part of someone’s life. For that reason, it is important to prioritize finding a daily routine that helps someone feel grounded in their life while also acknowledging their grief and their need for rest. Maintaining a consistent routine is important for children to feel comfortable and safe in their environments, as research shows, “it brings familiarity, enjoyment, and a sense of expectation” to their lives.
COVID’s Impact:
The complete shift in routine and lack of (familiar) structure during lockdown and the various stages of isolation throughout the COVID-19 pandemic have significantly impacted the general community. These inconsistencies and changes have been especially difficult for children and teens who are also grieving, as youth thrive in environments that offer stability, structure, and routine. In addition, the familiar components that once made up a person’s routine (school, activities, playdates, work, events, etc.) became the very activities that were deemed unsafe during the COVID pandemic.
What to Do – suggestions for the bereaved:
- Set a routine with a loose schedule. In addition to the basics, like eating and sleeping, try to make room for activities that bring joy to your day. This may include time with a friend, reading a book, watching a movie, going on a walk, or listening to music.
- Write a to-do list of chores and tasks, no matter how small. The Children’s Bereavement Center suggests that this can help someone feel like they are making progress throughout the day and lead to decreased feelings of stagnation.
- Ask a loved one for support and accountability to accomplish daily goals. Some find it helpful to have someone physically present when accomplishing small tasks while others may experience a sense of accomplishment to send a quick text when a task is completed. Often there are friends, neighbors or family members that want to be helpful but are unsure what to do. Consider making a list of activities/tasks that might be helpful – childcare, grocery shopping, meal deliveries. Lotsa Helping Hands is an app to coordinate meals and help for friends & family in need.
- Go easy on yourself and your schedule. While the COVID pandemic continues, society has resumed social gatherings in ways that resemble a post-pandemic world. The sudden shift to functioning can be daunting and scary. With this in mind, you can still work to create a daily routine for yourself and your family that feels right for you.
This is one protective factor of a series. For the comprehensive resource click here: COVID Grief: Protective Factors & the Impact of the Pandemic
This resource is made possible through a partnership with the Brave of Heart Fund, founded by the foundations of New York Life and Cigna, and administered by E4E Relief.
