In order to survive and thrive in these circumstances, we recommend the following techniques and resources:

Flexibility and Forgiveness

Being in close quarters with a new routine requires creativity and flexibility.  Keep in mind that you set the tone.  That said, forgive yourself for not “making the most” of this time.  Modeling healthy behavior and kindness to yourself is more important than ever.  If you start to panic, first, put on your own mask. Calm yourself. Try the S.T.O.P. technique – a 5 minute mindful reset. Slowing down is hard.  We are usually running around and busy and this sudden stop can be jarring.  As a family, practice how to be slow, present and calm.

Acknowledge Uncertainty

You may be noticing that your kids’ feelings (and yours) are exaggerated or that kids are acting “dramatic." Uncertainty can intensify emotions, and this can show up in many ways.  Kids may fixate on the fact that they don’t know when they will be back at school and could be worried that they may not see their teachers and friends soon.  Although most kids will not say, "I'm feeling anxious," parents and caregivers can help by acknowledging the uncertainty. Let your kids know that it's ok to be worried and that feelings pass and situations change. Reassure them that school will start again someday and that being home is the safest place for them.

Try narrating some strong feelings as they come and go. For example: "I'm worried about Grandma and sad that she can’t come over," and then later: "I’m relieved that she is in the safest place for her right now." This modeling will help kids recognize the rhythm of thier own feelings. As you engage your feelings, you can support yourself by practicing breathing and mindfulness strategies. 

Use a tool called SOCIAL STORIES for younger kids. Social stories are visual resources that communicate information and coping strategies. Corona Virus Social Story.

Links: 

• Additional Mindfulness Resources
• Talking about the Corona Virus
• Sesame Street: Explaining the Corona Virus

Listen and Validate

Allow space for all family members to connect and ask questions. When you do, be present and try active listening. If/when kids start to get irritable, antsy and frustrated, teach them some self-soothing techniques.  Try the H.A.L.T. check-in technique:  are they Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?  Address these issues directly.  Not only will this diffuse frustration by redirecting their attention, it can teach them how to check in with themselves.  Work together to validate these feelings and teach them how to recognize them on their own.  It's important for them to learn how to self-soothe.  

Links:

• H.A.L.T. Technique, Feeling Exercises
• Book: How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so kids will Talk
• Active Listening Techniques

Reinforce Positive Behaviors

In this intense period, as well as when times are more “normal," children respond better to positive reinforcement rather than lecturing.  When you see them washing their hands, let them know they are doing a great job.  When your child empties the dishwasher without being asked, recognize this effort with praise.  Teens can be especially hard hit by social distancing.  Recognize when they make good choices like resisting the urge to get together with their friends. Bringing a culture of praise to your family can benefit everyone and cut down on tensions.  

Links:

• Songs to sing while washing hands
•  Book: Positive Discipline
• Art with Heart Resources

Create a Schedule

Providing routine and structure is a form of love.  Have a family meeting and collaborate with your kids to build a daily schedule that meets both the needs of parents working from home as well as kids learning remotely. Take small steps like establishing a morning wake-up time, realistic bedtime, and include time for rest/quiet, alone time, clean-up buffers and free time. These can make a tremendous difference in managing everyone’s priorities while providing stability.  School routines have made most kids comfortable with a schedule and they should be able to participate in building one.  This is an opportunity to negotiate and compromise, as well as restore some sense of control for kids while experiencing big changes.

Links: 

• Schedule Templates from Kahn Academy
• Doodle with Mo Willems
• Funny: Parents Share Realistic Schedules
• Shutterbean has great lists
• Art with Heart Activities

Stay Active

Science shows that there is a direct correlation between activity and mood elevation.  Make a list of things to do when you get bored and refer to that list when you need it. Many gyms and studios are providing online classes for free.  Engage with your kids to work on mind-body connectivity with yoga or get outside (practicing social distancing) for fresh air.  Avoid crowded parks and instead walk around your neighborhood or go for a bike ride together.

Links:

• Make a Body Treasure Map
• Dance Church: Free Online Dance Party

School of Life

Use this abundance of time together as an opportunity to build independence and teach life skills.  Teachers expect and rely on children to clean up after an activity. Make sure you are reinforcing this at home. Even young kids can organize a stack of books alphabetically or clean out a closet. Does your teen know how to make ramen, do laundry or change a tire?  More time at home provides an opportunity to teach your kids some of these basic life skills that can build self-confidence and resilience. Make it about learning independence rather than just doing chores.  Involve the kids in food prep and have them practice getting themselves ready in the morning. When it’s time to do actual chores like clean the house or mow the lawn, do it during the physical activity period in your schedule so that it counts as a work-out.

Links:

• JED: Teens/Young Adult Life Skills
• Skills for Younger Children
• Creative Project Ideas
• Learn something new: Search for Tutorials on YouTube

Family Values

Use family meeting time to build a list of your family values. Exploring ideas such as communication, honesty, compassion, trust and integrity, and agreeing to a set of values can be an important tool when adversity arises.  Try creating a family crest:  a visual reminder of these ideals and a symbol of protection for your family during this pandemic and other hard times.  You may even want to print it out or put it on t-shirts. This exercise can provide a feeling of pride, security and longevity. Also, try making a list of things you can do without for now.  Discuss the basic needs of your family and explore those things such as video games and chocolate that may have become “needs” but are in fact extras. 

Links:

• Coronavirus Parenting: Managing Anger and Frustration
• Building a Family Values List
• Create a Family Crest
• Coat of Arms Project
• Rules for Slowing Down

Develop Resilience

Recognize openly that important milestones and events are being cancelled.  Sadly, entire sports seasons, college testing, birthday parties, weddings, prom and graduations may not happen this spring.  Remind your family that nothing is permanent, and things will eventually get back on track.  While we may miss some of these big events, find comfort that we are all in this together.  Remind your family about other hard times you have survived.  Develop a strong family attitude such as "WE CAN DO HARD THINGS." Use the family values list to develop a resilient mindset and find ways to focus on helping others. Mindfulness and gratitude practices can also be helpful with this.

Links:

• Family Resilience Framework
• Mindfulness Tools

Managing Conflict

Close quarters and heightened emotions are bound to create moments of conflict.  You can expect this to happen and need to be prepared.  Learn how to express feelings within your family in a constructive way.  Experts advise resolving conflict in real-time instead of waiting for resentment to develop. If possible, practice healthy detachment which places the problem outside of the relationship: this problem does NOT DEFINE us, it is happening TO us, and we can work together to solve it.  Compromise is key. 

Links:

• Partnership Management During Quarantine Ideas
• Steps for Family Conflict Resolution
• Resolving Conflict with Teens

Strengthen Relationships and Community

Model a loving relationship with your partner and/or other adults in your family and build compassion within your family and community.  Show and teach respect by listening, pausing and validating.  Increased affection, both physical and verbal, can reassure children and ground them in a place of love. Say “I love you," hold hands and cuddle. Recognize that not everyone has a family around them right now and teach compassion.  

Links/Ideas:

• Write letters to Nursing Home Residents
• Make and Send Birthday Cards for Friends and Family with Birthdays Coming up
• Use this List of Questions to Build Love within your Own Relationship and Family
• Parental Affection Leads to Self-Esteem

Additional Helpful Mental Health Links:

• Feeling isolated? There are many groups popping up to provide social interaction during this time of  quarantine.
• Many grief support centers are developing ways to support grieving families in this season.  Let us know if you'd like a referral. Email Molly
• Online Counseling Options
• The National Association for Grieving Children has a great list of resources in response to Covid-19.
• National Crisis Resources
• Mindfulness Resources from Calm
• World Health Organization: Considerations during the pandemic
• Netflix Party Watch with Friends