Ways to Empower Children to Heal
Some children – even when living with parental addiction – are equipped with the resiliency to mature into healthy adults. That doesn’t mean it’s easy for them. Parental addiction can dull the light of hope, confidence, promise, and possibility in the children and teens living with it every day. For many children, living in these homes can burden them with fear, extra responsibility, or isolation. But it doesn’t have to stay that way! It only takes one caring adult to make a difference and empower them to heal.
Let a child know you care
“Kids don’t care about what we know until they know how much we care,” says Jerry Moe, NACoA Senior Clinical Advisor. In small but consistent ways, sharing messages like “you are not alone”, “there are safe people who can help”, and “someone is on your side” can remind a child or teen that you are one of the safe people for them, and they are not alone.
Help foster an attitude of gratitude
Gratitude is healing, empowering, and uplifting. Model an attitude of gratitude. Talk about your appreciation of everyday little things. Point out special things the child does, and help them hear you say “Thank you”.
Read Tools for Kids or the 7Cs Together
The Tools for Kids and the 7Cs resource are some of the best available to give to a child impacted by parental addiction. Read them together. Explain that addiction is not their fault, and help them separate the parent they love from the disease of addiction that hurts them.
Be silly
Many children are far too serious, burdened with responsibility or fears that are beyond their years. Help them be a kid with lots of jokes, funny faces, and goofiness. Laughter is one of the best healers!
Be understanding and centered
Growing up in a home struggling with addiction is often similar to a warzone. Children are on hyper-alert, ready for the next emotional explosion. Oftentimes they are hypersensitive; conditioned to believe that every problem is their fault. When something goes wrong, take the time to explain that accidents just happen. People make mistakes and are still wonderful. Stay calm. Model how to identify the problem and respond in a simple and effective way, without blame or shame. Help them find ways to calm down and be centered too!
Listen
Take part in a child’s life by actively listening. Put down the cell phone or tablet, and give them your undivided attention. Ask questions to motivate them to provide more details about something that matters to them. If only 10 or 15 minutes, your time, attention, and caring my brighten a child’s day!
Enjoy each other
In whatever way you and the child connect, do something you both enjoy together. Play a video game, listen to music you both like, teach something new, or walk around the block together. Find some way to celebrate.
