Activity: Goodbye Letter
Sharing emotions related to grief and saying goodbye is often difficult, especially for children and teens. Writing goodbye letters can help individuals ease into the exploration of complex and conflicting feelings. In this activity, youth and families will be given a goodbye letter template with sentence starter prompts that speak directly to the person who died while reflecting on feelings and memories. The practice of writing can provide an emotional release when paired with the empowering choice of sharing, saving, or shredding the letter once completed.
Keep in mind that saying goodbye can bring up big emotions and it’s important to provide opportunities for participants to opt in and out of the activity at any time.
You can use the goodbye letter template as is or we recommend easing in with these creative options:
Read a book or watch a video about saying goodbye:
Use the goodbye letter template to reflect on how the fictional main character from a book or movie might respond to each sentence starter. By discussing the feelings of a fictional character, children can feel-out the level of safety in that space, prior to sharing their personal feelings. After the discussion, you can ask if they would like to write a goodbye letter to their person who died. Here are some books and videos that we recommend for saying goodby
Books about saying goodbye:
- The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr: Through the lens of a pet fish who has lost his companion, Todd Parr tells a moving and wholly accessible story about saying goodbye. Touching upon the host of emotions children experience, Todd reminds readers that it’s okay not to know all the answers, and that someone will always be there to support them. An invaluable resource for life’s toughest moments.
- Saying Goodbye by Alejandra Pozzo Stevenson: Saying Goodbye takes the reader along a journey of grief as the character processes the death of their person. Confused about this death, the character is guided by a star who teaches them what it means to lose someone you love and to treasure the memories their loved one left behind.
- But I Don’t Want to Say Goodbye by Ta’Shay Mason: The death of someone in your life is never easy to understand, let alone speak about. But for a little girl whose father has just died, the hardest thing is figuring out how to say goodbye. As Mommy makes funeral arrangements and tries to figure out the best way to say goodbye to a man who was loved by many, the little girl must find her own way to come to peace with her father’s death.
- RIP Corey: My Friend Died and It Sucks! by Chris Buchanan: Based on a true story, this graphic novel follows high school senior, Sam, who is grieving the unexpected death of their best friend, Corey, following his 50-day hospital stay. Sam must now find a way through their new reality, which includes attending Camp Erin! With an accessible reading level and engaging images, this book has been written for readers of all abilities.
Videos about saying goodbye:
- Nzingha and Saying Goodbye: When someone dies, we may feel several different emotions. Join Nzingha and the children in Amber’s Class as they share some of these feelings about the death of their class pet and other special people in their lives.
- You’ll Find Me: This video is a read aloud of the children’s book, You’ll Find Me by Amanda Rawson Hill. This book is about grief and remembering someone when they have died.
Pick one sentence prompt and draw a picture:
For many people, drawing can be an access point to deeper emotions. In this variation, participants can pick any sentence starter from the goodbye letter template and draw a picture to illustrate their response. Children and families may choose to then follow up by writing out some responses in the letter.
Introduce emotional vocabulary along with the letter:
Children and youth are continuously learning new terms that best describe their feelings related to grief. You can foster emotional literacy with activities such as Feeling Faces, Ocean of Emotion, and Inside Out – Getting to Know My Emotions. Once an array of emotions has been identified, introduce the goodbye letter activity.
Journaling with the sentence starters:
If participants have a diary or journal, they can use Eluna’s goodbye letter template to spark some ideas for a new journal entry. When journaling, they can be encouraged to write freely while letting go of any expectations about length, format, grammar, etc. The beauty of journaling is the openness that each page presents to weave in symbols, art, colors, and judgement-free expression.
Goodbye letter sharing:
After completing the goodbye letter, you can provide creative options for sharing the letter with others (only if they fully opt into a sharing exercise). Here are some ideas:
- Gallery Post It Walk: Ask each participant to choose one sentence from their goodbye letter that they feel comfortable writing on a post-it for the gallery walk (without revealing their name). The facilitator can collect the post-its and then display them around the room. We recommend inviting participants to move around the room silently with soft music in the background, then wrapping up with a closing reflection question about the activity.
- Letter Exchange: Participants can be paired or grouped with one another to exchange their letters. After reading the letters of one another, provide some time for the group or family to further connect, reflect, and support one another.
- One Word or Sentence Reflection: Participants can choose to share a one-word reflection about their letter, or they can choose once sentence to read aloud to the group.
- Confidential Sentence Sharing: Ask each participant to put a star next to one sentence they feel comfortable having shared by a facilitator (without revealing names). This way the children and families can hear powerful reflections from one another while maintaining some privacy.
- Sharing privately at a place of rememberance: Some participants may choose to read their letter aloud directly to the person who died at a place of rememberance.
Saying goodbye individually, or collectively as a group, can be a meaningful activity for children and families of all ages. There is no timeline to grief, and the same goes for goodbye rituals. Choosing to write a goodbye letter, even long after a person’s death, can help to deepen reflection and connection within the life-long grieving process.
En Español: Carta de Despedida – Actividad para Niños y Familias en Duelo
For more bereavement activities, click here or contact the Eluna Resource Center directly for personalized support and resources (in Spanish and English).
